I’ll be honest, this story feels a bit disheartening. If you were a close friend, I’d probably try to shake you out of this mindset (read literally shaking you 🤣), but I also recognize that what you’re feeling is something many (*cough* male) founders go through. (because the main driver is ego and power associated with that position and then *puf* it's gone)
But let’s take a step back for a moment. Do you realize the incredibly privileged position you’re in? Few people in the world have access to the resources, knowledge, and opportunities you do right now—whether that’s human capital, expertise, or financial backing. Plus, you’ve already built invaluable skills like creating and leading a company. Those are gifts many can only dream of.
You’re in a position to create anything you set your mind to—whether it’s a new company, a charity, or tackling one of the world’s countless problems. And let’s be real, we’re not short on challenges: underpopulation, climate change, economic inequality, wars, human trafficking—you name it. You don’t even need to reinvent yourself completely to contribute meaningfully (*cough* learning physics takes to much time). You can just lean into the expertise you already have and apply it to something impactful. (and then find other people who fill in the shortcomings)
It’s okay to take time to figure out your next steps—there’s no shame in pausing to reflect (and being receptive to the world and it's problems). And honestly, if part of your drive is wanting to emulate someone like Elon Musk, what's wrong with that?
Also, here is a thought maybe consider having children. It’s evident that you’re engaging in some reckless behaviors that could potentially harm you. Having a family might give you a stronger sense of purpose and help steer you away from such destructive tendencies.
100% especially the having children bit. Since starting my own family questioning my purpose in life is no longer a thing.
While having kids isn't for everyone, too many people avoid it because they think it will take away their "freedom", which is true, but what it takes away is the freedom to be care-free and careless.
Parents cannot afford that, because they have to ensure their kids make it through life mostly unscathed. So it does take some freedoms away, but it gives back meaning, responsibility and love in spades.
Sometimes I long having the ability to go spend 3 weeks in Costa-Rica at the drop of a hat, but honestly, looking at my kid in the eyes and just laugh because we both know we're thinking the same thought is priceless and beats all the tropical vacations in the world.
I consciously had to build myself to be responsible to be a dad. That alone is a worthy endeavour with many dragons to slay. It took years but it paid off in finding a wife that I'm aligned with and having a wonderful child who makes us laugh every day.
I fully get the urge to shake the author out of this mindset (my first thought too) but I doubt it can undo what must be decades of running after the money for nothing other than ego.
It makes me sad for the world and also understand why the people with money are achieving so damn little of substance, they lack any drive to do something meaningful, apparently.
For a moment I thought, maybe there could also be a lesson in this piece, like, I can be glad that I need to make money to live so that I have a purpose. But then I was like, wait a minute. Most things I do are not driven by money and I think that’s true for most people. If you take away the need to make money, you just get more time (and resources) to pursue your purpose-driven goals.
Hey Vinay, I like the post - thanks for your vulnerability! It's helpful to hear honest words from someone I can relate to
I don't have
- the multi-million exit
- the insecurities
But I've had the savings to take time to figure out what I want, and I have an insanely high level of ambition that I can hardly ever live up to and that makes me anxious that I am not doing enough (I have a very low level of neuroticism so this doesn't get amplified into crippling insecurity, just restlessness and throwing myself into projects or reading a lot of books)
The journey and the learnings are comparable, I went on rabbitholes to research different areas to find "my true north star" and big mission - and learned the same thing, with urgency, everything else falls into place. I also learned that the Paul Graham bus ticket theory of genius was true for me. I found my north start in something that hardly anyone is paying attention to, and it's kind of irrational for me to pay attention to, it didn't ever seem like it could be worth anything or a business. Urgency + bus ticket is where I found my north star.
I don't find it cringe at all to think "trying to be Elon"
If I can be brutally honest... it looks like you keep finding distractions to avoid having to face yourself (lack of commitment, difficulty to make decisions, etc.)
If you really want to learn about yourself, try things like yoga and meditation (or even psychedelics) where there no end goal, just growth.
Vipassana is one of the hardest things I've ever done, because you can't hide. You have to face yourself 12 hours a day.
Perhaps this is an unkind reading of your post, but it reads almost like a caricature, and the fact that others don't comment on it perhaps means that they are equally duplicitous, outwardly or to themselves.
I don't know who this post was directed at, or how you think that it can be helpful to "the public". But let's assume it was therapy. Fine.
I traveled the world with my girlfriend for 6 months and then dumped her. Honey, if you're reading this, it was me, not you. WHAT?!?!?!
I climbed the highest mountains, the kind that normies train for months to climb. Oh yeah, I did it without training... And by the way, I cruuuuushed it, bro!
WHAT?!?!?!
Oh, and that thing you'vr been reading about all day in your feed, you know about DOGE and saving America, you know with Vivek and Elon and all them smart people... Yeah, they really wanted a piece of me, but I wasn't feeling it so I peaced out.
So now, I'm in this place called Hawaii studying physics, because... Well, I don't know... Because Einstein... because Weinstein... Because the voices... Did I mention Hawaii... Oh guys, I am soooooo weird...
Honestly, you have issues dude. They are PRIVATE issues. I know self-promotion is the name of the game, or at least most games, these days. But not for this.
You definitely have a lot work to do. And it ain't physics. And none of us are going to be able to help you.
I think there are lots of ways to read this, for me what I read is a lot of numbness. Yes, the achievements and prestige are there, but they’re sort of passing phenomena that come and go and don’t really move oneself in a meaningful way. There’s a sadness in not knowing how to fulfil one’s addiction to difficulty and grandiosity, and a humiliation in knowing how to achieve success but not happiness (particularly when that is what you’ve idolised for so long). I personally don’t find the hypoxia climbing a mountain to be a humble brag- that seems like obviously stupid behaviour to me, and I don’t feel jealous of someone who is so reckless with their health, no matter how high the mountain!
it is obviously not be sad in the way that being poor or spat on is sad, but it is still a real and lonely feeling that human beings are capable of, and this is very human to me.
I understand if you find it distasteful, and it’s in your right to! But I find at least this account is quite honest.
Thanks for your thoughts Marlene. Maybe duplicitous was the wrong word. Maybe it should have been "clueless", or simply: "wrong". What I did find more disappointing is that the community seems to be equally clueless. They may be bright, incisive, productive, extraordinary people in many ways, but they seem to have lost the ability to answer the most eternal, universal, and human of questions: what does it take to be a douche?
I think I did learn something new from this essay at the end: while money is not a cure to being a douche, hard work is likely a pretty good prophylactic (I suspect that Vinay was a much more interesting human being while "in the shit" at Loom). And conversely, free time is likely a multiplier. So if he wants advice, I'd probably tell him to get back to work on some project where there's no exit until there's "the exit". Then, it doesn't have to be about him any more. Because at this point, it's unlikely that he will be able to change the contents of his bag.
Really enjoyed this piece which took guts to write. You say nothing about your spiritual journey. Maybe that’s something you should consider? You’ve been given significant gifts and talents; how should they be used for humankind? Start having a conversation with God about his will and purpose for your life. You’ll be surprised how your deepest heart’s desire will be fulfilled. Your next act will fit like a glove.
I don’t have to work “full-time” either Mr. Hiremath. I work part-time as a dad and husband. It’s a pretty good gig, but when my kids are at school, it’s just me. I tend to spend too much time doing Substack, but I really should find a project more worthy. Not sure yet what this will be. It helps that I’m constrained by my family. I wake them up, pack their lunches, drive them to school, pick them up, and cook dinner most nights. Mostly I’m here for them, trying to be a better dad and husband. If I were you I wouldn’t know what to do either. When I was a kid I saw this HBO special called, Born Rich. It doesn’t have any answers, but it’s an interesting documentary. I don’t think humans are very good at figuring out what to do unless they have kids, or have to work. My kids are my work, and through them I learn about myself, especially my rough edges. That gives me plenty to improve.
Maybe start at the end and work backwards? How do you want to die? This may give you insight in how to live. You could try reading L.S. Dugdale’s, The Lost Art of Dying. There’s an Econtalk episode on it.
I went for early retirement and now am available for my 4 kids and 3 grandkids. Already a winner in the gene lottery.
What does the world need? Better ai education tutors, at very low cost to users. Starting with English language, where A1-C3 levels already exist. If you’re not up for a life of putting wife and family first, working to build a company to help the world is pretty great. Learning, physics or anything, is also fin wouldn’t it be good to have an ai physics tutor to help?
Ronald Reagan famously quoted “some people go through life wondering if they have made a difference, Marines don’t have that problem.” As a Marine Infantry Officer once and young, I can say this is so, but equally if one seeks knowledge and is constantly willing to do so (on any topic) then the quest for value and purpose starts to take care of itself. If one has not read Hermann Hesse’ novel Siddhartha than that is a good start. In the mean time it sounds like the author has found new purpose and obviously, personal drive and striving are not issues. Agreed, if the sneak peek at what the DOGE may soon start doing is any example of what is coming then there is hope. Let’s hope the energy and enthusiasm displayed by the author is emblematic of the whole group. There is purpose in this new endeavor, make it count. Don’t disappoint us out here. The underclasses, the unhealthy, the hopelessly sad, demoralized people trudging through life today on bad food and stuck with a health care system that is corrupt and trying to kill them and being led by 535 of the most self indulgent people on earth need to have hope. You made your nut, again make it count. Indeed this was a good post. Took some courage.
My first thought reading this was "I wonder if he has kids". My second thought after determining the answer to that was "having kids would solve this".
Don't get me wrong, having kids doesn't solve *every* problem, but it does solve this one.
I get the sentiment and directionally agree but would also caveat… one must care about their children and have a desire to be active in their life for that to make a difference.
I thought this was really thoughtful. I’ve thought about selling my company eventually and have the same fears. Thank you for being able to be open about this experience.
Hei, let me offer a female perspective here.
I’ll be honest, this story feels a bit disheartening. If you were a close friend, I’d probably try to shake you out of this mindset (read literally shaking you 🤣), but I also recognize that what you’re feeling is something many (*cough* male) founders go through. (because the main driver is ego and power associated with that position and then *puf* it's gone)
But let’s take a step back for a moment. Do you realize the incredibly privileged position you’re in? Few people in the world have access to the resources, knowledge, and opportunities you do right now—whether that’s human capital, expertise, or financial backing. Plus, you’ve already built invaluable skills like creating and leading a company. Those are gifts many can only dream of.
You’re in a position to create anything you set your mind to—whether it’s a new company, a charity, or tackling one of the world’s countless problems. And let’s be real, we’re not short on challenges: underpopulation, climate change, economic inequality, wars, human trafficking—you name it. You don’t even need to reinvent yourself completely to contribute meaningfully (*cough* learning physics takes to much time). You can just lean into the expertise you already have and apply it to something impactful. (and then find other people who fill in the shortcomings)
It’s okay to take time to figure out your next steps—there’s no shame in pausing to reflect (and being receptive to the world and it's problems). And honestly, if part of your drive is wanting to emulate someone like Elon Musk, what's wrong with that?
Also, here is a thought maybe consider having children. It’s evident that you’re engaging in some reckless behaviors that could potentially harm you. Having a family might give you a stronger sense of purpose and help steer you away from such destructive tendencies.
100% especially the having children bit. Since starting my own family questioning my purpose in life is no longer a thing.
While having kids isn't for everyone, too many people avoid it because they think it will take away their "freedom", which is true, but what it takes away is the freedom to be care-free and careless.
Parents cannot afford that, because they have to ensure their kids make it through life mostly unscathed. So it does take some freedoms away, but it gives back meaning, responsibility and love in spades.
Sometimes I long having the ability to go spend 3 weeks in Costa-Rica at the drop of a hat, but honestly, looking at my kid in the eyes and just laugh because we both know we're thinking the same thought is priceless and beats all the tropical vacations in the world.
I consciously had to build myself to be responsible to be a dad. That alone is a worthy endeavour with many dragons to slay. It took years but it paid off in finding a wife that I'm aligned with and having a wonderful child who makes us laugh every day.
I fully get the urge to shake the author out of this mindset (my first thought too) but I doubt it can undo what must be decades of running after the money for nothing other than ego.
It makes me sad for the world and also understand why the people with money are achieving so damn little of substance, they lack any drive to do something meaningful, apparently.
For a moment I thought, maybe there could also be a lesson in this piece, like, I can be glad that I need to make money to live so that I have a purpose. But then I was like, wait a minute. Most things I do are not driven by money and I think that’s true for most people. If you take away the need to make money, you just get more time (and resources) to pursue your purpose-driven goals.
Hey Vinay, I like the post - thanks for your vulnerability! It's helpful to hear honest words from someone I can relate to
I don't have
- the multi-million exit
- the insecurities
But I've had the savings to take time to figure out what I want, and I have an insanely high level of ambition that I can hardly ever live up to and that makes me anxious that I am not doing enough (I have a very low level of neuroticism so this doesn't get amplified into crippling insecurity, just restlessness and throwing myself into projects or reading a lot of books)
The journey and the learnings are comparable, I went on rabbitholes to research different areas to find "my true north star" and big mission - and learned the same thing, with urgency, everything else falls into place. I also learned that the Paul Graham bus ticket theory of genius was true for me. I found my north start in something that hardly anyone is paying attention to, and it's kind of irrational for me to pay attention to, it didn't ever seem like it could be worth anything or a business. Urgency + bus ticket is where I found my north star.
I don't find it cringe at all to think "trying to be Elon"
If I can be brutally honest... it looks like you keep finding distractions to avoid having to face yourself (lack of commitment, difficulty to make decisions, etc.)
If you really want to learn about yourself, try things like yoga and meditation (or even psychedelics) where there no end goal, just growth.
Vipassana is one of the hardest things I've ever done, because you can't hide. You have to face yourself 12 hours a day.
I love this Vinay and went through something similar. I wrote an HBR article about it called “dealing with the emotional fallout of selling your business.” You are not alone. See https://hbr.org/2015/09/dealing-with-the-emotional-fallout-of-selling-your-business
Jeff, your HBR article is excellent. Thanks for linking that. Highly recommended.
Perhaps this is an unkind reading of your post, but it reads almost like a caricature, and the fact that others don't comment on it perhaps means that they are equally duplicitous, outwardly or to themselves.
I don't know who this post was directed at, or how you think that it can be helpful to "the public". But let's assume it was therapy. Fine.
I traveled the world with my girlfriend for 6 months and then dumped her. Honey, if you're reading this, it was me, not you. WHAT?!?!?!
I climbed the highest mountains, the kind that normies train for months to climb. Oh yeah, I did it without training... And by the way, I cruuuuushed it, bro!
WHAT?!?!?!
Oh, and that thing you'vr been reading about all day in your feed, you know about DOGE and saving America, you know with Vivek and Elon and all them smart people... Yeah, they really wanted a piece of me, but I wasn't feeling it so I peaced out.
So now, I'm in this place called Hawaii studying physics, because... Well, I don't know... Because Einstein... because Weinstein... Because the voices... Did I mention Hawaii... Oh guys, I am soooooo weird...
Honestly, you have issues dude. They are PRIVATE issues. I know self-promotion is the name of the game, or at least most games, these days. But not for this.
You definitely have a lot work to do. And it ain't physics. And none of us are going to be able to help you.
I think there are lots of ways to read this, for me what I read is a lot of numbness. Yes, the achievements and prestige are there, but they’re sort of passing phenomena that come and go and don’t really move oneself in a meaningful way. There’s a sadness in not knowing how to fulfil one’s addiction to difficulty and grandiosity, and a humiliation in knowing how to achieve success but not happiness (particularly when that is what you’ve idolised for so long). I personally don’t find the hypoxia climbing a mountain to be a humble brag- that seems like obviously stupid behaviour to me, and I don’t feel jealous of someone who is so reckless with their health, no matter how high the mountain!
it is obviously not be sad in the way that being poor or spat on is sad, but it is still a real and lonely feeling that human beings are capable of, and this is very human to me.
I understand if you find it distasteful, and it’s in your right to! But I find at least this account is quite honest.
Thanks for your thoughts Marlene. Maybe duplicitous was the wrong word. Maybe it should have been "clueless", or simply: "wrong". What I did find more disappointing is that the community seems to be equally clueless. They may be bright, incisive, productive, extraordinary people in many ways, but they seem to have lost the ability to answer the most eternal, universal, and human of questions: what does it take to be a douche?
I think I did learn something new from this essay at the end: while money is not a cure to being a douche, hard work is likely a pretty good prophylactic (I suspect that Vinay was a much more interesting human being while "in the shit" at Loom). And conversely, free time is likely a multiplier. So if he wants advice, I'd probably tell him to get back to work on some project where there's no exit until there's "the exit". Then, it doesn't have to be about him any more. Because at this point, it's unlikely that he will be able to change the contents of his bag.
Really enjoyed this piece which took guts to write. You say nothing about your spiritual journey. Maybe that’s something you should consider? You’ve been given significant gifts and talents; how should they be used for humankind? Start having a conversation with God about his will and purpose for your life. You’ll be surprised how your deepest heart’s desire will be fulfilled. Your next act will fit like a glove.
Exactly my thoughts. It sounds like he needs some kind of spiritual awakening.
The Lack of purpose is one of the worst hells because you torture yourself with ifs and buts.
That made me much more optimistic that DOGE might actually accomplish something.
Is 'learning first principles physics' not just another version of trying to become Elon-ish?
Calling it ‘first principles physics’ sure is 🤢
... he has never done anything like learning first principles physics.
“one of my friends joked that I should work for Elon and Vivek at DOGE and help America get off its current crash to defaulting on its own debt.”
step one seems to be to get new friends that offer sound advice instead of whatever that was. 😆
I don’t have to work “full-time” either Mr. Hiremath. I work part-time as a dad and husband. It’s a pretty good gig, but when my kids are at school, it’s just me. I tend to spend too much time doing Substack, but I really should find a project more worthy. Not sure yet what this will be. It helps that I’m constrained by my family. I wake them up, pack their lunches, drive them to school, pick them up, and cook dinner most nights. Mostly I’m here for them, trying to be a better dad and husband. If I were you I wouldn’t know what to do either. When I was a kid I saw this HBO special called, Born Rich. It doesn’t have any answers, but it’s an interesting documentary. I don’t think humans are very good at figuring out what to do unless they have kids, or have to work. My kids are my work, and through them I learn about myself, especially my rough edges. That gives me plenty to improve.
Maybe start at the end and work backwards? How do you want to die? This may give you insight in how to live. You could try reading L.S. Dugdale’s, The Lost Art of Dying. There’s an Econtalk episode on it.
I went for early retirement and now am available for my 4 kids and 3 grandkids. Already a winner in the gene lottery.
What does the world need? Better ai education tutors, at very low cost to users. Starting with English language, where A1-C3 levels already exist. If you’re not up for a life of putting wife and family first, working to build a company to help the world is pretty great. Learning, physics or anything, is also fin wouldn’t it be good to have an ai physics tutor to help?
Ronald Reagan famously quoted “some people go through life wondering if they have made a difference, Marines don’t have that problem.” As a Marine Infantry Officer once and young, I can say this is so, but equally if one seeks knowledge and is constantly willing to do so (on any topic) then the quest for value and purpose starts to take care of itself. If one has not read Hermann Hesse’ novel Siddhartha than that is a good start. In the mean time it sounds like the author has found new purpose and obviously, personal drive and striving are not issues. Agreed, if the sneak peek at what the DOGE may soon start doing is any example of what is coming then there is hope. Let’s hope the energy and enthusiasm displayed by the author is emblematic of the whole group. There is purpose in this new endeavor, make it count. Don’t disappoint us out here. The underclasses, the unhealthy, the hopelessly sad, demoralized people trudging through life today on bad food and stuck with a health care system that is corrupt and trying to kill them and being led by 535 of the most self indulgent people on earth need to have hope. You made your nut, again make it count. Indeed this was a good post. Took some courage.
This DOGE hype is so cringeworthy. Don't be so gullible! It's all PR.
My first thought reading this was "I wonder if he has kids". My second thought after determining the answer to that was "having kids would solve this".
Don't get me wrong, having kids doesn't solve *every* problem, but it does solve this one.
I get the sentiment and directionally agree but would also caveat… one must care about their children and have a desire to be active in their life for that to make a difference.
People like this guy - driven, overachiever, probably a perfectionist - rarely have this issue.
Although I guess Musk, who is clearly an inspiration to this dude, is sort of the exception that proves the rule here.
Amazing.
feels
I thought this was really thoughtful. I’ve thought about selling my company eventually and have the same fears. Thank you for being able to be open about this experience.